My life without you
by wolfgal17
Summary: This is a story on what Yelena life would have been like with the death of Valek and having a new surprise in her life...this is a song fic so please be kind and read and review.


**_HEY GUYS, WHILE READING THIS STORY, LISTEN TO LINKIN PARK'S SONG VALENTINES DAY. IT LINKS IN WITH THE STORY. THANKS BY VICTORIA ABOUT THE SIXTH MONTH ADDITION._**

I remembered what happened clearly, as if it was happening right in front of me….it might as well be happening again….because it didn't feel real….it felt fake… as if it was happening to someone else….but I knew it was happening to me and it wasn't going away. I tried to keep strong, for him….even though he wasn't here anymore; it still felt like he was standing next to me….

I looked at all the people who was attending his funeral….I snorted to myself so quietly, so that they wouldn't look at me, the people who were attending his funeral didn't know him…didn't love him…hell they all thought he was going to kill them in their sleep….but I guess they all came in respect, for what he did….I couldn't see the commander but I could sense him in the crowd, I didn't really feel like looking for him because I didn't really care anymore…my reason to care just died and it was all my fault….

_My fault…._the knowledge that I killed him…hit me like a ton of bricks to my already dead heart, but I couldn't let these people see….couldn't let them have more to gossip about than they already have…

When the people finally started to leave…I could feel myself breaking down….little by little, I had to breath deep to keep some stability….but I knew it was all lost the moment the people started to talk to me…..I knew it was too late the moment I couldn't identify who was actually talking to me, I couldn't see them or hear them because the gravity of what was happening was all too real and all I wanted to do was just walk up to his grave and cry.

When I felt that everybody was gone, I had gotten the courage to walk up to his grave, and just stood there…waiting for something to happen, I didn't know what I wanted to happen, maybe for him to jump out of the shadows and surprise me like he always does…..but the way my heart was breaking I knew that he wouldn't come out of the shadows…..I couldn't understand why this was happening…..why they had to take him away from me…and I couldn't breathe with the knowledge that he was gone…..forever.

I couldn't take it anymore…the hurt I feel every time I think about him….Valek….my soul mate… my heart was gone…. I collapsed against the grave stone and cried and cried because I knew that I was never going to see him again…I never going to feel his warmth next to me….I was never going to see him or speak to him ever again…..and it just didn't feel real.

_**MONTHS LATER**_

I knew that he was never coming back….but I still couldn't help myself from wishing that he wasn't gone and that he would just walk back into our suite, tired from the long day he had, complaining about how incompetent the new recruits were, and I would just laugh and argue back that they were _new_, and he would just laugh back and whisper _I'm sorry, love_ and kiss me….

But I knew that was never going to happen…and I guess in a way I sort of accepted it….but there was still that nagging thought…that if I was such a powerful magician _why couldn't I save him?_ Why couldn't I have just saved him from being murdered in front of me….what could I have done differently…and the answer would always be the same….nothing….I didn't do anything…I couldn't do anything…there was nothing I could have done…and there was no way that I could bring him back….and it kept on playing with my mind and soul…that I couldn't do anything…

Every night I cried myself to sleep because I missed him so much….when it wasn't enough that I wasn't sleeping properly, I stopped eating and started to train every day to get my mind off of him…which was stupid because every time I trained, all I thought about was Valek and how he would _tell me to keep straight_ and _to concentrate harder_ and to _keep my balance_ every time I made a mistake…god I lived for those moments, with just the two of us doing something not life threatening.

I remember that one day where I was in the court yard practicing, I felt woozy but I played it off as me not eating and only drinking fluids…that is until I collapsed, thank god someone was around when it happened or else I wouldn't have found out….I was so shocked to hear from the doctor, I couldn't believe it….I couldn't believe that I was pregnant…

I was pregnant and alone and I was scared….scared that I was going to let the same thing that happened to its father happen to it….him…her…I didn't know if it was a girl or a boy…but I hoped it was a boy...a son to carry on with Valek's linage.

Some days I would just sit outside or visit Kiki, because I got tired easily these days, and couldn't train which sucked…and during those days I always remembered my past…what it was like to be on my own…to not have to worry about other people…I was alone and I was semi happy….but when I met and had gotten to know Valek and the power twins, I realised what a lonely life I actually lived and I was happy that I didn't have to live like that anymore….

The power twins….they use to visit all the time, making sure I didn't do anything stupid….and when they found out I was pregnant they all but moved into the suite…I was angry at first thinking that they were ruining the place where Valek and myself lived, putting things away…moving the books that always littered the floor….then when they explained that Valek told them, more like ordered them to take care of me if anything were to happen to him and that if I ever found out I was pregnant that he gave them permission to protect and care for me…and that included cleaning the suite…when I heard that, you wouldn't believe how much I cried, and hugged them…in the back of my mind it didn't occur to me that Valek probably planned this, if anything ever happened….and when it did occur to me, I realised that he probably did this so that if he did die later in life, I presume, then everything was sorted…I guess he didn't realise it would have happened so quickly.

I remember the time where I had to fight and protect myself from everyone and everything because nobody would it and because I had no one to help me until I met and fell in love with him…I then knew that I didn't have to protect myself alone anymore and to be on my own anymore…..because he was there and he kept on telling me that he wasn't going anywhere and that I don't have to be strong when I was around him…..I remember him telling me that it was okay to let go and cry and that he wasn't going to judge me….because he loved me…..

But now I was all alone again, with no-one to tell me that they loved me like Valek did…no-one who really knew me…no-one to tell me it was okay to cry….and I didn't know how to cope because my reason to be strong was gone….

_Thump…thump…thump…_

No I was wrong, I wasn't alone anymore…. now I have a new reason to be strong….to be brave…to love

As the months flew by…and my stomach began to grow bigger, Janco and Ari had all but dubbed themselves as the baby's uncles….I smirked when I thought about their antics…

"_I'm going to be the best uncle there can be… ain't that right little Valek Junior." Janco said, tickling my bump, Ari knocked him over the head with his big meaty hand._

"_Don't be ridiculous Janco," Ari said seriously to him and then bent down to talk to my baby "I'll be the best uncle to the little baby." He said smirking at Janco. After that comment they both gotten into an argument about who was going to be the best uncle._

Ari and Janco had gotten more missions after their argument, and on those missions they were both trying to convince each other who was the better uncle and every time they were back they kept on asking me who was the better uncle and I kept on replying that they both were. I remember the one time where they both kept on asking me who was the better uncle and I remember yelling at them….to me it was the most funniest thing to experience….their shocked faces and loss of words.

"_Yelena!" I heard my name being called in the distance and by some force I knew it had to be the power twins, and they were both at it again._

"_What is it?" I asked even though I knew what was going to be said…or rather asked._

"_You have to decide now….who is the best uncle." They said in unison. I signed and thought about the answer so that they don't have to keep on asking._

"_Well…" I started, but got interrupted by them exclaiming that it was them even though I never said anything._

"_See I knew she would say I was the best." Exclaimed Janco, to which Ari shook his head at._

"_No she didn't…she-"I tried to say something but was interrupted again before I could have even opened my mouth._

"_Yes, she did."_

"_No she didn't."_

"_Yes!"_

"_No!"_

_It was like a Ping-Pong match between them and I just couldn't take it anymore…I couldn't take my brothers fighting about who was better._

"_GUYS!" I shouted having enough of their fighting…and to my surprise they actually stopped._

"_Seriously? I mean you guys are the power twins, you guys are like twins separated at birth….one isn't the great uncle without the other….I mean… God…you both are great uncles…so stop competing on who the better uncles is or so help me God…you both won't be considered uncles by the time I'm done with you." And with that I left, much to their shocked faces, I took it as a loss of words as they never remarked after my outburst and after that they stopped fighting…but that didn't mean they didn't stop taking missions… it just enforced them to take more. _

After months of being pregnant, I finally gave birth to the most beautiful baby, that I could lay my eyes on….I know I'm being modest seeing it is my baby…but he was beautiful, even with his red face, at that moment, I knew that if anything came near my baby, dangerous or not… I would kill them…it didn't matter if they were friend or foe, I would kill them, I promised myself that I wouldn't let anything happen to him.

"_So Yelena what are you going to name him?" I heard Janco and Ari ask. I looked thoughtfully down at my baby and replied._

"_Asher" I said softly, kissing littler Asher's head._

"_That's a beautiful name Yelena." They whispered in agreement. I thought to myself that Valek would have also liked the name._

_It's okay love…. _I thought I heard his voice whispering to me and I knew that where ever he was; that he was saying that it was okay to miss him…it was okay to grieve….and that it was okay live on, if not for myself then for the bundle of joy that we made, I knew that everything would be okay….not really okay, because his gone….but I knew he would have wanted me to do this…to raise our son and to protect him the way I couldn't protect Valek.


End file.
